Before I learned not to feel

Before I learned not to feel

I felt the flower and thorn alike

I felt the pain of loss and betrayal

And felt the joy of love and loyalty


I felt the pain of my kidneys

As they screamed for my body to stop poisoning itself

I felt the hurt of my veins as the blood turned to mud

I felt the searing anxiety of the near death experience

And wished that I was a little closer


But I also felt the love of my friends surrounding me

Shaving their heads in support of me

Even though it made them look stupid

And I felt the joy of coming close enough to death to not fear it

And the bliss of reading the notes left by those who had been through the same as I

Even though they never made it as far as I did


Before I learned not to feel, I felt alive

Now, there is only the empty vastness

And the great far far away

Give me a pen

So I can learn how to feel again